Christmas contemplating

Am so very much looking forward the year to come. 2018.

It has a special ring to it.

The stars are changing and the energies are finally changing into a much more lighted version since 2012 for me… these past years have been difficult and lifechanging. But also glorious of course. But the inner work and feelings and events in my life have been challenging. The least to say. Career has been going absolutly great. Am so very thankful and grateful for being where I am today. I absolutely love my job and where I am right now. But privatly, in my romance life and personal relationships, have been going… not so grate. Don’t get me wrong here, I am blessed with close and dear friends and family whom I love deeply but there have been so many losses. Betrayals. Heart breaks….. romantically and in family and friendships. I’ve lost people I even today can miss. The silverlining in it all lies in the learnings and personal growth. But that too takes energy. Like I am weiry of the struggle. The fighting. Not in the sense of arguing but in the sense of being in the demanding fighting to keep the balance and peace and focus on the lessons kind-of-struggle. So am very much looking forward to 2018.

I am such a sucker for new year resolutions and goals. And this year I will focus a lot of my health and how I am living my life and spending my time. Do those things which I am yearning for when I lay in bed at night. Those things I truly resonate with, but for some reason haven’t been doing at all or not heartfeltly. This will be my year. I can feel it. The winds are changing. Lets bring it!!!

My top 9 photos in instagram 2017. What a year. Am so proud and humble about it all.

Hello again

Hehe..last post was about being productive. Can’t say I’ve been that here lately?

Yeah. Inspiration comes and goes. I think I might be on a…….. comeback now? Setback? We’ll see. 

Honestly…

… I feel quite lonely tonight. You know, having one of those nights where you need to sleep but aren’t really tired. 

Have had an amazing weekend with lots of time spended with one of my closest friends, Mia. πŸ’– As well as time to reload, clean, and do the laundry. Not so fun while doing it but feels good afterwards.

Missing my friends in my hometown and also the ones here. But tonight I am mostly missing someone. I am not a single-type-of-person at all but refuse to settle for less than I deserve. And the older I get the more I realize how hard it is to find someone? Not that I am looking (haha maybe that’s the problem here) but damn… we’re all humans and need the closeness from another being from time to time. Someone to hold and be held by. Right now I wish someone else lied here in bed with me whom I could snuggle into. Breathe with. Someone other than my dog! Haha. Titzi I love you but you’re always the little spoon. I want to be little too. 

My arm

Yesterday I started the day with sleeping in 😍 Then I had an appointment with Kjertsi, a naprapath I’ve started seeing for my terrible pain in my left shoulder. It has gone so far that I wake up in the middle of the night in pain if I turn and trying to sleep on the left side. And can’t do all the exercises I’d like during workout etc. Anyways, I was there last Sunday the first time and I have bursitis 😣 Am not suprised since I have an injury in my left underarm. 
When I was eight and broke both bones in it while driving my motorcross, a urologist (seriously who does that to a child?!) at the hospital put back the bones wrongly. My arm was lying wrong at the table, so he twisted my arm! He put back the wrong bone to the wrong piece. So it did not heal correctly (ofcourse) and they broke it up during surgury twice (!) before my mom find out what happened and stopped the third one and took me to another, bigger, hospital where they had to put in a 10 cm piece of titanium in order for it to heal at all… and then after a few months or so (can’t remember) they took it out. So my arm isn’t that pretty. Quite funny looking. Anyways, since my arm is twisted all stress and overloading makes my muscles really tense on the left sife of my neck, back and shoulders. As well as the right side to compensate. Am just happy it took these many years before I had more “serious” problems. 

Long story but back to the treatment. She is really really good and knows what she is doing. And I feel an relief already and have to go visit her a few times but it feels good! And safe. Yesterday I was so relaxed I almost fell asleep. I mean it hurts, but I go into such a deep meditation to cope haha. Or like she said yesterday “its like you go into trans or something, so it’s quite easy to treat you because you are really receptive”. Haha. Yep. That’s exactly what I do πŸ˜‚

This is me being relaxed… can’t get the arm flat without lifting the handπŸ™ˆ

And this is my 10 cm badass scarπŸ‘ŠπŸ’–